Gone

My life is fickle, fragile, and weak.

I wonder if I’ve learned enough to be let go.

I wonder if I’ll be spared to stay here.

I wonder what it’s like to die.

Would I become a beautiful shining light 

Or would I be gone in darkness not even conscious. 

What would be the point of my life if I came here to wither for ten years and die.

Was I just put here for someone to grieve? 

Are my aspirations and dreams not good enough?

Do they mean nothing?

Nights praying, thanking my god for giving me my five senses

Only for them to be striped away.

Day

By

Day

Will my body be bones

My eyes a foggy haze

My own being and personality dripping out of me 

Left only in your memory. 

I don’t want to be a carcass 

I don’t want to be bathed in tears

To lose the ability to walk and speak

No more dancing

Or loud singing in the car

Skipping down roads laughing like we’re drunk when really we’re just tired kids. 

No more opinions said. 

No jokes.

I’d be gone.

A bed my new home 

Taken care of by people I don’t know.

My future, the one promised since I was young 

A family, my own house, kids, struggles of being a parent,

Aging into an old woman who accepts life as it is. 

I don’t accept this life

Please god don’t take me away

I’m not ready

Not in this way

I’ve grown up watching someone die

Don’t let that be me

All because of some stupid 

DISEASE. 

…