The nail in my head

[WARNING!! VENT POST WITH STRONG LANGUAGE!!]

There’s a nail on my forehead

I’m holding it there with one hand, a hammer in my other

The nail wiggles every day and my arm itches to hold the hammer down

Keep one balanced, the other in place

I can’t stop the hammer from trying to hit its mark

I can’t help the nails unbalance

But I try and try and try

Until my arm gets too weak and the hammer inches up

I need to stop it

Why is my hand so weak?

HIT

The hammer meets its mark

Its small but enough to make me bleed.

Little taps keep putting the nail deeper.

Why is the hammer doing this?

Why am I doing this to myself?

HIT

stuck in my mind, the thoughts, the nail gets deeper and deeper with each clash of the metal.

HIT

HIT

HIT

What do you want from me?

KILL ME ALREADY

YOU FUCKING HAMMER

LEAVE ME ALONE

GET THIS NAIL OUT

MAKE THE BLOOD STOP

THESE TEARS ARE USELESS

MY BODY IS USELESS

MY MIND IS USELESS

it can’t even defend itself

This nail drills into me

And my brain

Just.

Sits.

There.

What the hell is wrong with me

This back and forth struggle between me and this hammer is so tiresome

Sometimes I wish that hammer would hit so hard the nail would go straight through my skull just so it would stop chipping at me

So it would finally stop

Yet here I am

Praying for my arm to get stronger

Hoping I grow bigger

Wishing my mind gets smarter

I don’t want to be gone

I want to defeat anything that touches me

That hammer,

That nail,

Can Fuck Off.