My dad sucks (not really)

CW: LOTS OF SWEARING

When I was a kid my dad used to play mario kart with me and my brother. My dad always played as mario, my brother, luigi, and I played as baby mario. My dad would win 1st place every time. I would come close sometimes but he always pulled through in the end. My brother was just a complete waste of space over there cause he was literally a baby.

We made a lot of memories playing that game. The competition was real man. We were crazy. I specifically remember one time where I almost ALMOST beat my dad. I was in the lead, and had been in the lead for a while. It was the last lap and I was so excited yet scared. This was my moment, my time of pure GLORY. I was gonna be top dog. My little 8 year old self was ready to conquer and shove it in my dad’s face more than my neighbors shoved dog poo on our porch cause they were bitches. I was so close, I could see the finish line, taste my dad’s figurative tears of loserness. When all of a sudden…

BEEP.

My kid heart dropped.

BEEP BEEP 

It couldn’t be…

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

NOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

 As soon as the icon appeared, the warning sirens blaring at me. I felt a rage of unfairness seep into the very blood that still flows in me today.

IT WAS A FUCKING BLUE SHELL!!!!

SO GOD DAMN UNFAIR. 

MY BASTARD OF A FATHER ZOOMED PAST WITH HIS STUPID ASS MARIO WINNING FIRST PLACE YET AGAIN.

I was so pissed off. The rage that my own father could have such AUDACITY to throw a blue shell at me right at the end of the round fueled my eyes with FIRE. My hands instantly threw down that controller, clenched into fists and I wanted to beat the shit out of my dad. 

Obviously I couldn’t actually do that so it ended up just being little me throwing around her arms like a lunatic yelling “THAT’S NOT FAIR, YOU SUCK” over and over again while my dad laughed at me. Pretty traumatic if you ask me.